Thursday, December 16, 2010


Yeah i drink
For my own reason
What do you care
It keeps me happy
You wouldn't understand
All the pain i have
Buried deep down in a hole
A hole i use to be in
But you didn't know that either
Couldn't tell i was dying inside
Just thought i was moody
Little do you know
Behind my mask of a smile
I'm crying in pain
Telling lies to myself
Saying i have no pain
It doesn't help
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the things

Divided inside
I'm comeing undone
Torn apart
Feelings i can't hide
But you don't see
What's happened to me
Your blind to it all
I don't let you know
Try not to let it show
I'm looseing control
Deep down inside
There's no place to hide
Torn apart
Divided into thoughts
All at war
I'm looseing my mind
Can't stop this now
I'm comeing apart
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Sunday, December 12, 2010

Mixed up

Thoughts gone loose in my mind
Raging wild and out of control
Mixing up and makeing confusion
Can't keep my mind on it's leash
All those thoughts i love to think
Sweet temptations that are good to eat
A little smile while i lick my lips
Thoughts all twisting and turning
Lots of confusion
Playing wicked games with chains
Knowing that i've got a whip
And yes i can use it
Evil little wicked side wants to come and play
Maybe a little whipcream with carmel
Licking it all up
Tasteing other things that are oh so sweet
Yeah i've lost my mind today
But i'm loveing it anyway
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Where i am

Well this is it
I sit down and write
With no purpose or cause
Most my pain is gone
The darkness has left
Now it's the sun thats so blinding
I often feel lonely
Still get sad and blue
But i know i won't stay that way
I'll bounce back up again
My smiles are more often
And they're even real now
I remember that dark hole
But i don't want to go back
I know next week i'll probably rage
Wish the world to go to hell
But thats not what i want
I know i'm on the right path
I've even got some help
I am were i want to be
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Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Story

What broke her inside
Was a battle over years
Strained and Stressed for freedom
Lost in the dark of a deep hole
Left to grow old, rot, and die
Never seeking out the far off light
Only digging deeper down to cower and hide
She broke inside the self dug grave
Shattered into a million sharp pieces
Not whole anymore inside, just an empty shell
Seeking out ways to numb the pain
She never stoped to pick up those pieces
Just kept moving while broken inside herself
Others depended upon this broken but strong girl
Pushing their problems onto her shoulders
She took the weight and more for others
No one even knowing she was dying inside
She put on a whole show for people
An emotional mask to cover the pain she felt
She pushed herself to the edge of a cliff
To many people needed her so she never jumped
Two very special young lives needed her around
She was a sheild for them
Blocking alot of pain and fear
So many things for a young girl to take on
Broken but never stoping to rest
She prayed some nights that she wouldn't wake up
Never could she take her own life
Always needing to just escape it all
To stubborn to ask for any help
Years of battle finally ended
It took a clik of a gun to fully end
She ran away and never came back
Droped all that weight upon her shoulders
Such a young girl should never bear
But she was still broken inside
Each sharp piece cutting her up
Trying to fit them back together again
Recieving some help along the way
Scars and demons still have her
Some pieces are still missing
Not so broken anymore but not the same
She pieced herself up differently
Not the same as she was before
The strength still has not left me
I am still fighting
I will never give up
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On't pretend your someone else
Never forget the real you
I did
Became someone i'm not
Trying to go back is hard
Finding pieces you've forgot
Wandering how you lost yourself
Where did i go wrong
I blocked all that i was
Trying to forget what made me strong
Now your hateing me for changing
But this is just the real me
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Pulling open the darkness
Releasing the demon behind the black door
Sweet demoms of evil thoughts
Anger, Jealousy, Hatred, Lust...
On and on they pour out the door
Attacking my mind from within
Were is my evil power of control now?
The icy sheilds that can lock them out?
Oh yeah i destroyed them hahaha
I laugh at myself now
Wouldn't feel this pain if you kept them
Build fast you tormented mind
Or you'll be fully beat down
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Friday, November 26, 2010

Pure Pain

Why did you leave me pain?
Now you just pop up
A little here a little there
I liked you better full on
Now your just playing games
Where is your raw power?
The one that left me weak
Like i had been thrown around
Your picking at me now
Ripping me apart piece by little piece
Give me all you got
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Weary Soul

A soulso beaten as mine
You'd think it would give out
But here i still stand
Takeing every blow of my life
Even takeing a few blows for others
I keep going with every step
Life has been hard
But death is even harder
If you read my pain
See i crave an escape
Don't think i'd end my own life
I look for something more
A peace of mind in this world
A place rest my soul
So i can give a few blows back
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down again

I rip at my own soul
Twisted Tormented
I hate the feelings inside
The mixture or pain and love
What is wrong with my mind
I'm hateing what you do to me
My soul has taken to many blows
I don't want to stand tall
Feeling like i'll crash and fall
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Here i go again

Here i go again
Go again
It's just one more sin
I can make it through
Prove to you
All the things you can't do
This is my life
And all my strife
So what is wrong with you
Can't you see it through
There is nothing left for you
Here i go again
It's just another sin
Just the bottle on my lips
Held with just my finger tips
Drink it all
Then watch it crash and fall
Like i feel within
Such twisted sin
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Spread winga
Feather light
Softly sweet
I fly
Far away
On wings
A princess
Locked up
Inner demons
Tortured aoul
One knight
Shared secrets
Soul deep
The princess
Flew away
Came back
Can't leave
Circling above
Won't land
Staying high
More safe
Never captured
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Saturday, November 13, 2010


Old old old old write

Staring at the screen
Jealous rage
I just want to scream
Twisted little thoughts
Just want to slap the bitch
Say mine mine mine
I don't share
So fuck off now
But what would that do
Start another fight
Paybacks a bitch right
So i had it coming
Laughing at myself
Over such a little thing
Just your ex-fling
I just need to scream
But i keep my mouth shut
Pretend i'm blind
Cutting myself with the knife of love
Saying it will be alight
That i don't see it
Slap down the jealous thought
It did its work though
Made rage take over me
Envy over such a silly thing
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Monday, November 8, 2010

The Battle Within

Rageing and screaming
Deep down inside
Smothering all my thoughts
A damn battle within myself
Being pulled apart
A tug-a-war of my mind
Breaking me into pieces
A little insanity slipping out
Flashes here and there
Nothing makeing sense
Can't hear myself think anymore
Don't know what i want
If the battle doesn't kill me
I'll be all new
Very different than before
To hell with this two sided battle
I'll add another too
Now there's three
I'm working both sides
Bringing them to thier knees
Watch me rise out of the rubble
What use to be my mind
The lone stranger that directs me
My Winged Strength to carry on
It's a whole other world within me
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Days After Day

Day after day
It's all the same
Same thing everyday
Just want to scream
Breakout and do something new
But i hold back
What am i waiting for
Letting everyday slip by me
Time leaving me wasted days
Got to do something new
Hateing to break routine though
Must always follow the rules
Why the hell must i play this game
It's my life to do what i want
But what do i want?!
Letting the days go by
Day after day
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Sunday, November 7, 2010


We all have a limit
How far we can go
And then another
For how far we should go
I drink a beer or two every other day
Three is my stoping point
Get only a little buzz
Have to slam them fast to get one
But it's the rum i love
My little weakness
Love the firery warmth on my tounge
Take a sip and hold it
Feeling the tingleing spread in my mouth and throat
Ahhhh and when i swallow you can feel the heat
It's my awful weakness
My secret drink i hide
Only drink i'll loose myself in
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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Never Again

Never will i give up
I shall never quite You can't stop me
I'm done alowing you to try
This is were it ends I will take it no more
To long i've let you get away
Things have changed now I AM my own person
Don't need you telling me what to do
You put me down all the time
Have you even looked at yourself?!
You don't have the right to judge me
I will not be silenced anymore
I've sat in the background to long
Tell me i'm he one with the problem
It doesn't bother me a bit
I've got the courage you lack
I laugh at you now
The stunned look on your face
Didn't you know i can bite back?
Well i can and i have
You pushed and pushed me
Never did i give you your fight
But now i'm all for it
I'll show you how to fight
I'm giveing you only this one warning
I don't fight fair
Why should i with you?
You never did with me
You took every low blow you could
Now i'll do the same But Harder!!
I'll show you how to fight dirty
I'll mop the floor with you
You never will see it coming
You should have known i'd strike back
Did you think i'd sit there and cower?
You pissed off the wrong bitch today
Never again will i let you judge me
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Old Man

The majestic predawn light, rippling through the ashen clouds, cadence of the morning birds sweet songs, glistening dew covered flowers of spring, all these things sadden me, tormentors of my weak and fragile soul, for this is the blessed day of my death, the path of my walk has ended, i lay down my stick and cloak, not needing them for where i go, now i bow my head in one more prayer, "lord come and take me unto your arms, for my path has ended on this earth.", a golden light of the heavens shines down, and the voice of the king of kings says, "my child death is only the begining, in your death you come to me."

Commas seperate the lines "copied it over from somewhere else i wrote it"
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Wicked Tounge

Flooded with a thick darkness,
Malevolent words are thrown around,
the creeping fog of madness,
wicked blades of the tounge,
smirking little red lips,
carrier of my sweet demise,
hold still the floods of poison,
sharpen you blade somewhere else,
heed my words little tounge,
least you shall tell not another tell,
learn your patience very well.
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