Thursday, December 16, 2010


Yeah i drink
For my own reason
What do you care
It keeps me happy
You wouldn't understand
All the pain i have
Buried deep down in a hole
A hole i use to be in
But you didn't know that either
Couldn't tell i was dying inside
Just thought i was moody
Little do you know
Behind my mask of a smile
I'm crying in pain
Telling lies to myself
Saying i have no pain
It doesn't help
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the things

Divided inside
I'm comeing undone
Torn apart
Feelings i can't hide
But you don't see
What's happened to me
Your blind to it all
I don't let you know
Try not to let it show
I'm looseing control
Deep down inside
There's no place to hide
Torn apart
Divided into thoughts
All at war
I'm looseing my mind
Can't stop this now
I'm comeing apart
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Sunday, December 12, 2010

Mixed up

Thoughts gone loose in my mind
Raging wild and out of control
Mixing up and makeing confusion
Can't keep my mind on it's leash
All those thoughts i love to think
Sweet temptations that are good to eat
A little smile while i lick my lips
Thoughts all twisting and turning
Lots of confusion
Playing wicked games with chains
Knowing that i've got a whip
And yes i can use it
Evil little wicked side wants to come and play
Maybe a little whipcream with carmel
Licking it all up
Tasteing other things that are oh so sweet
Yeah i've lost my mind today
But i'm loveing it anyway
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Where i am

Well this is it
I sit down and write
With no purpose or cause
Most my pain is gone
The darkness has left
Now it's the sun thats so blinding
I often feel lonely
Still get sad and blue
But i know i won't stay that way
I'll bounce back up again
My smiles are more often
And they're even real now
I remember that dark hole
But i don't want to go back
I know next week i'll probably rage
Wish the world to go to hell
But thats not what i want
I know i'm on the right path
I've even got some help
I am were i want to be
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Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Story

What broke her inside
Was a battle over years
Strained and Stressed for freedom
Lost in the dark of a deep hole
Left to grow old, rot, and die
Never seeking out the far off light
Only digging deeper down to cower and hide
She broke inside the self dug grave
Shattered into a million sharp pieces
Not whole anymore inside, just an empty shell
Seeking out ways to numb the pain
She never stoped to pick up those pieces
Just kept moving while broken inside herself
Others depended upon this broken but strong girl
Pushing their problems onto her shoulders
She took the weight and more for others
No one even knowing she was dying inside
She put on a whole show for people
An emotional mask to cover the pain she felt
She pushed herself to the edge of a cliff
To many people needed her so she never jumped
Two very special young lives needed her around
She was a sheild for them
Blocking alot of pain and fear
So many things for a young girl to take on
Broken but never stoping to rest
She prayed some nights that she wouldn't wake up
Never could she take her own life
Always needing to just escape it all
To stubborn to ask for any help
Years of battle finally ended
It took a clik of a gun to fully end
She ran away and never came back
Droped all that weight upon her shoulders
Such a young girl should never bear
But she was still broken inside
Each sharp piece cutting her up
Trying to fit them back together again
Recieving some help along the way
Scars and demons still have her
Some pieces are still missing
Not so broken anymore but not the same
She pieced herself up differently
Not the same as she was before
The strength still has not left me
I am still fighting
I will never give up
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On't pretend your someone else
Never forget the real you
I did
Became someone i'm not
Trying to go back is hard
Finding pieces you've forgot
Wandering how you lost yourself
Where did i go wrong
I blocked all that i was
Trying to forget what made me strong
Now your hateing me for changing
But this is just the real me
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Pulling open the darkness
Releasing the demon behind the black door
Sweet demoms of evil thoughts
Anger, Jealousy, Hatred, Lust...
On and on they pour out the door
Attacking my mind from within
Were is my evil power of control now?
The icy sheilds that can lock them out?
Oh yeah i destroyed them hahaha
I laugh at myself now
Wouldn't feel this pain if you kept them
Build fast you tormented mind
Or you'll be fully beat down
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